For Luke on his 13th Birthday

Of all of our kids, you were the most excited about all of our changes this past year.  You couldn't wait to move, you couldn't wait to get married, you couldn't wait to make new friends.  Interestingly, as excited as you were, you seemed to struggle some in the beginning.  I think with a personality as big as yours, you felt like you should hold back a little until you got to know some people.  And feeling stifled isn't really something that fits into your personality.  I hope you know that you never need to hold back and the being yourself is all you ever need to be.

You also struggled a bit with needing to know the whys and hows of decisions and needing to feel that everything was fair.  It is not easy merging two families, and sometimes we have to do what is right for each child individually.  Often it is not fair, but it is necessary.  We had some good talks and you understood.  I think you learned that sometimes while things may not seem exactly fair, they can still be right.  That is a big lesson in life and I am proud of you for knowing it.

This year my hope for you is that you continue on your path with patience, understanding and the willingness to listen to others.  You are one of the most empathetic people I know.  You are also one of the most gregarious.  If you can learn to merge those traits and become someone who can listen as well as he talks, then you will have accomplished something good.

I hope that you continue on your path of excellence at school and continue to learn and improve at lacrosse.  I feel like you have found your place in our new town, and you will only become more a part of life in Spanish Fort as the years continue.

I hope you always "stick to my plan" as you do even when there are bumps in the road (or a girl dumps you, heehee).  Keep your focus, make good choices and be yourself...and you can't go wrong!

And LAX ON! (I know, It's dorky, but I thought you'd like it!)

A Beautiful Day for a Beautiful Girl

Hannah's 15th Birthday Sunset Picnic

We got a perfect evening in Gulf Shores for Hannah's birthday picnic.  She wanted chicken salad, pita chips, sour dough bread, lime chips and chocolate cake.  It was the first thing we did together when Donald and I introduced our kids to each other, and it is something we still love to do.  I am so glad that Hannah picked that for her celebration.  And she even got to wear her adorable new 40s-style swim suit that makes you want to hide her from the boys!

We got the beach around 7 pm, ate dinner and cake and then watched the kids play together.  They cartwheeled, flipped, wheelbarrowed and ran in the sand (every last one of them).  It was the joyful noise of summertime with laughter, shrieking, waves lapping the shore and wind in your hair.  

As the sky darkened, we took a walk (a noisy walk) down the beach to watch the sun set, see the people crabbing with their flashlights and feel the waves on our toes.  Donald and I watched the shadows of the children walking and took turns holding hands of the younger ones who would come to talk to us.  

The ride home was filled with music, games, stories told in odd accents (some good, some just plain weird).

It's times like those when your cares melt away and you are just happy to be with your family.  It was a perfect day.  

For Jake on his 15th Birthday

During this year, I worried about your transition the most.  You were moving, starting high school and leaving friends you had known since kindergarten.  We both know that change is something you don't love, and as angry as you were about moving, you rallied.  You accepted it, you embraced your new band over the summer and by the school year had made some really good friends.  You found your place with music and your programming club, and I am proud of you.  I think a lesson you can take from this experience is that you are actually pretty good at change, and it doesn't have to be so painful after all.  This is an important lesson since the next phase of your life will be filled with change as you transition to college and on to independence.

I hope a couple of things for you this year.  I hope you find acceptance of those who are different from you, and I hope you find drive to accomplish things that not only inspire you, but also those that do not inspire you.  Often in life you will encounter people or jobs that are less than fun.  It is how you handle these situations that will define your character and success in life.

You are a smart guy.  You are a talented guy.  And you know it.  The thing is, there is confidence, and there is arrogance.  The difference between confidence and arrogance is that one believes in yourself, the other looks down on others.  I want you to be confident and move through your life with the certainty that you can do anything you decide to do.   But be careful in life to respect everyone around you.  You will encounter those that differ from you in everything from politics, to religion, to intellect, to talent, to drive and on and on.  You must allow people to differ from you and still respect them as people.  You must allow for the fact that your ideas are not always right.  Every person you meet has something to offer and something they can teach you.  Everyone has flaws and everyone has gifts.  Look for the gifts.  One who may not be as smart may be the kindest person you ever meet.  One who may not be as talented may be the hardest worker and succeed beyond their talent.  If you recognize others' gifts then you will see the value in everyone you meet and that fosters mutual respect.  

You are driven. You are driven with your music and it shows.  You are driven with your programming and I am amazed at what you can do.  What I hope you learn this year, is that the same level of drive you apply to the things you love needs to be applied to the things you don't love.  There are jobs everyone must do to accomplish their goals.  Along the path you choose, everything will not be fun and everything will not seem purposeful.  But those things are purposeful in the big picture if they help you end up where you want to be.  Success is not define by intelligence and talent.  It is defined by hard work and perseverance.  And to me, the definition of character is doing the right thing even if no one else is looking.  If I can teach all of my children that lesson, I will have succeeded.

I know that at 15, you are discovering a new level of independence and responsibility.  We are here to guide you, and while you may not always understand why we feel the way we do, know that we are only looking out for your best interest...even if it doesn't always feel that way.  I know you believe that and I know that you know we are making decisions for you and with you out of love.

For Hannah on her 15th Birthday

The nature of being 15 is not a comfortable one.  It is a time when you are trying to figure out who you are and who you want to become.  It is a time of testing the boundaries of your own abilities and learning to make your own decisions.  Often, this testing bumps up against the boundaries of the adults in your life.  This is a very normal and universal experience.  Adding some pretty big changes to an already challenging age made for quite a big year for you.

I have to admit, I was surprised when you seemed to be the one that experienced the most difficulty in adjusting to all of our changes this year.  But the more I thought about it, the more I understood.  You are like me in so many ways.  When I was your age, I felt things intensely. I worried about everything.  I loathed the idea of making a mistake or worse, someone knowing I made a mistake.  You want people to see you as one way, but often you don't feel like you are that way.

I used writing to vent and quell the intensity of my feelings, and I think that is what poetry and writing does for you, too.  I think it is a great outlet and great way to navigate all of the twists and turns of a life in transition.  I hope you are careful with that though.  There is a danger in dwelling on all of the ups and downs and difficult feelings rather than relaxing and enjoying the happiness that surrounds you.  I am as big a fan (or bigger) of writing about the things that are good and make you feel grateful as I am of writing about things you need to release.

If I could tell my 15 year-old self anything, it would be, "Lighten up."  Everything doesn't have to be intense.  Everything doesn't have to be analyzed.  You don't have to decide just exactly how you feel about everything.  You can just be.  You can just be who you are.  And that's ok.

My hope for you this year is that you will find joy.  I want you to feel safe and secure and loved and peaceful wherever you are.  I hope that you will learn that love is exponential, not limited.  There is no such thing as competition for love because it grows as you allow it to grow.  I hope you will learn that even when others are different from you (intellect, religion, politics, personality, perspective, background, speech) they still have value and can teach you something.  Rarely is there anyone in your life who is all good or all bad.  We are all flawed and we all have gifts.  A person who can learn to accept others' flaws while celebrating others' gifts is one who will love and be loved by everyone.  I hope that you will be confident in the things that you know and will become a strong young woman who will speak for what she believes and stand up for what she knows to be right, particularly when others can't speak for themselves.

I hope that you learn to trust that we value your happiness, and sometimes that means saying no.  When the boys were little and confused, I used to ask them if they trusted that I would always make decisions in their best interest even if they didn't understand.  They always said, "yes."  It's easier when you are little.  But I hope that you will learn that I, along with your dad, will always make every decision in your best interest...and trust that even if you don't understand.  My goal for all five of you kids is for you to be healthy, happy and make good choices as you begin to carve the path for your future.  It is hard for us as parents to watch you gain independence and allow you the choices that you are mature enough to make.  You and Jake are our first, and we may make mistakes, but everything we do is done with love.  

For Joseph on his 10th Birthday

Joseph was the first boy to have a birthday party in our new home.  Talk about nerve racking! I sent invitations to school knowing almost no one from his class.  He had only been in school two months and was just making friends.  A week before the party, we had two RSVPs that declined.  Panic! I sent an email out to the class, and at his party he had around 15 show up.  Phew!

He had a great party and saw that he had good kids in his class with whom he was developing friendships.  He even had two friends from Pensacola drive an hour to come to the party.  I was so happy for him.  He is not the most social child I have, and I really wanted him to have a good start in his new school.

Joseph is the strong, silent type.  It is often hard to get much information our of him.  He tends to have a knowing smirk on his face during conversations and every now and then comes out with a zinger....the occasional zingers make him all the more funny.

When we moved, Joseph accepted it, looked forward to it and never showed signs of uncertainty.  As he always has, he walked into his new school without hesitation and just did it.  He has always been brave.  Any time I worry about change or new things, I realize that whatever he is feeling, Joseph will just do it.

This year we will try to wean him off his medicine one last time.  For the first time, he expressed that he doesn't want to be on medicine for the rest of his life.  We don't know what will happen, but I do know that whatever comes, Joseph will face it, handle it and accept it.  He is a brave boy.  He is a funny boy.  And he is a smart boy.

Happy Birthday, Joseph!

For Nicole on her 6th Birthday

More than 6 months late, but here it is nonetheless.  Nicole's 6th birthday was filled with splashing, friends, food and games in the pool.  She had a wonderful time getting to be large and in charge!  She has the boys basically wrapped around her little finger anyway, but on days when she is the one with the "Big Day," she eats it up!

Nicole is a kid who knows what she wants and generally how to get it.  Jake is expected (and willing) to carry her on his shoulders at her will.  Luke caters to her whim, and Joseph is delighted not to be the youngest anymore.

Yet as large and in charge as Nicole likes to be, she is also a kid who wants to do the right thing.  She gets very worried if she thinks she made a mistake.  She tries very hard to follow the rules, even when she's not quite sure what the rules are.  And when a boy got in trouble at school for cheating at dodge ball, she was not unhappy at the sight of him being punished.

While she can be sensitive, especially in times of uncertainty, Nicole seems to always know her place in the family and her place in life.  She has a sense of who she is and that she belongs wherever she is at the time.  She readily accepts our new family and actively engages with each sibling.

There is no doubt that Nicole will get what she wants in life.  She will think there is no other option.  Gotta love a girl with attitude!  Happy Birthday Nicole!

For Luke on his 12th Birthday

I am going to have to believe that it is better late than never.  Moving, getting married and getting settled have put me behind on Luke's birthday post.  This has obviously been a big year for us, particularly the boys.  Luke was the first one excited to move to Alabama and for "us to get married."  He was open to change and couldn't wait to have sisters.  Luke, on the surface, is a great go-with-the-flow type kid.

We moved during the summer, and had time to form our new family with my three boys and Donald's two girls.  When he started school, Luke was happy and excited.  But I could tell he was not adjusting as easily as he wanted to adjust.  With his big, gregarious personality, I think Luke felt like he had to hold back and couldn't be as much himself until he had found a level of comfort.

He had a lot of adjustments at once.  We lived in a new place, he had to make new friends.  He was used to having lots of friends who loved him.  He had to adjust to a new step-father and figure out how to accept this new authority.  He had to adjust to a new church.  He had to adjust to a new school and teachers and didn't get to go to PATS anymore.

Throughout, even with a bit of struggle to find his place in a new family and new place, Luke had a good attitude.  He persevered and made friends.  He joined lacrosse and went to a new youth group.  His new teachers loved him, and he has found a way to fit in with new friends.  He loves his new family, and he lets them know it.

One thing I love about Luke is that you always know where you stand with him.  He does everything all out and always tries to do it with a good attitude.  He has a fiery temper, but underneath that, he has the best heart.

Happy birthday, Luke.

For Hannah on her 14th Birthday

For Hannah on (or close to) her 14th birthday.  I am a little late with this post.  I have been delinquent with blogging lately.  Hannah, I do a blog for each of my children on their birthday each year.  I will soon have 5 children to love and now have five birthday blogs to write!

In getting to know you this past year, I have enjoyed every minute.  I have felt nothing but warmth and acceptance from you and have come to discover what a really neat young lady you have become. 

You are driven in your goals, self-motivated and responsible.  You are devoted to your friends and family and know what is important.  I love that you are becoming a woman but can still enjoy playing outside and at the beach and will run down the big sand dune at the bluffs. 

I appreciate that you have made the effort to make the boys feel easier in their transition to Spanish Fort.  You have talked to them about the schools, introduced them to friends and made your friends aware that they are coming.  That means a lot to them and to me.

I loved getting to see you sing at All-State Chorus.  I loved our vacation to Colorado.  I even love your obsession with "The Notebook."  I have enjoyed getting to do girl things.  Getting our toes done was fun and I look forward to getting to spend more time with you. 

I think you know the story about the ring I wear that is a ring all the girls in my family wear.  I thought I would have to wait for grandchildren to be able to pass it down.  We all got ours at age 15.  I can't wait to pass it down to you next year.  

Happy Birthday.  I know this will be a wonderful year for you! 


##

For Jake on his 14th Birthday

Fourteen.  It has been a big year.  Many changes have passed and many changes are coming.  The lesson Jake will have this year is one of learning to accept that change doesn't have to be a bad thing.  Jake is not big on change.  I can understand that.  We, as a family, have been through so many changes in his short life.  Most of them have been difficult.  It would be easy to think that with change comes pain.  But with change can come joy as well.

I hope Jake sees that he already has coped well with changes this past year and will be confident in the coming year.  This year Jake changed middle schools, and while he didn't really want to do it, he did it with a good attitude.  This change caused some bumps in his academic career, but the thing that make me proud of him is that the second half of the year he really made an effort to take responsibility for his education.  He was proud of himself for taking control of his own achievements and improvements in those achievements. 

In changing schools, he had to play with a new school band.  Music, I think, is Jake's greatest area of confidence.  It helps him transition and gives him an instant group of friends.  He is good at the trumpet (and guitar) and has great things ahead in music.  Even with his new school, he achieved a lot at competitions and performances.  I love to watch him play and see him improve every year.  I am proud for him that he has a great trumpet teacher and a great role model in Mr. Evans.  If Jake takes advantage of everything Mr. Evans offers, he will be a better person for it.

This year we are moving.  Jake is back and forth on his feelings about it.  I know that his talent in the band will help him transition.  He will have friends and a place at his new school.  Our new family with help him transition as well.  They are all actively trying to make sure he and his brothers feel comfortable and included.  I know that it won't be easy and I will promise to help him keep in contact with his friends in Pensacola while getting him involved in his new life. 

Jake will do better than he thinks with all of these changes.  He is smart, talented and people love him.  As long as he remembers that, he will have many friends and be happy.  He has much to look forward to this year.

Accomplishment of note this year:  He is finally taller than me.  And has no problem lording it over me daily. 

Something I dread for next year:  A driver's permit.

Happy 14th Birthday, Jake!


##

Luke Calls Me Out

I had to pick Luke up from an after school meeting yesterday, so I left the other boys at home.  When he got in the car, we talked and I said something sarcastic.  I don't remember what it was, but just to be funny.

Luke:  I hate sarcasm.  You were just sarcastic and Jake is sarcastic all of the time.  He is so sarcastic that I can't even tell when he means it and when he doesn't.  He puts me down and then I feel bad.

Me:  Well, Luke, you know he is going through a weirdo teenage phase, so why don't you just recognize that and not take it personally? 

Luke:  Soooo...I guess you never grew out of your weido teenage phase, huh Mama?

Score one for Luke.

Later on the ride home, Luke said, "Did you know that Ms. Hughes' son takes ballet?" 

I said, "No, I don't know Ms. Hughes or her son."

Luke:  Sheesh, Mama.  That was not a literal question.  Why did you take it literally?  That was a set-up so that I could tell you a fact.  I can't believe you thought it was a literal question.

Score two for Luke.

I have been effectively put in my place. 

##

For Joseph on His 9th Birthday

One of my favorite things about Joseph is that he has always felt obligated to dance when he hears music.  It is something he and I have in common.  It's like he has no control of his body and the music takes over.  That coupled with his desire to sing the thoughts in his head on a regular basis makes for great entertainment for us all.  He is going to audition for Children's Chorus this year, and I think he will have a ball.

He's also a kid who likes everything in its place.  He is organized and tidy and will clean up after his brothers without complaint because it must be just so.  His room is the neatest, his bed is usually made and he loves to do dishes.  All the makings for a good husband, I think!

I learned more recently about his soft heart.  He was watching a strange cartoon about a warrior life and a girl was killed.  He was sad and moved and affected by what he saw.  I have known that he feels things deeply, but watching his emotion over this movie was an interesting affirmation that he is a still water that runs deep.  When I was sick earlier this year, he was the only one who drew me a picture and wrote me a note telling me to get well.

Another thing that I love about Joseph is that he keeps up with his older brothers and always has.  He keeps up because it has never occurred to him that he can't.  He has always been incredibly capable in action, thought and communication.  The knowledge that he can do something because he thinks he can is something I admire.

The thing I admire most, however, is that he is brave every day.  He does the things he has to do when he has to do them whether he likes it or not.  He has things that are sometimes hard to do or hard to know.  He doesn't complain, he doesn't object.  He does it.  He faces it.  And he goes on.  It's a lesson we could all learn.

Happy Birthday, Joseph.

Click the link below to see some awesome dance moves!

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=661253267&sk=photos#!/video/video.php?v=10150126467448268

For Luke on his 11th Birthday

Luke is my gregarious one.  He has never met a stranger.  And the kid can talk a blue streak.  Sometimes when you are around him a lot, you really start to believe silence is golden.  But that is only a fleeting thought in my mind, because Luke has the personality he is meant to have.  Having that personality allows him to be fearless when he gets on a stage and sings to a full house.  I would never have done that at his age.  Probably ever.  He does it without a second thought.  And if he makes a mistake, he doesn't beat himself up about it, he gets up and does it the next time still having no fear.  He believes he can grow up to be a performer, and I think that anyone with his degree of belief will not let anything get in his way.  Nothing he accomplishes would surprise me.

The thing I find interesting about Luke is that he has this loud and spirited personality, but when he has to get down to work, he gets the job done.  I remember in 2nd grade when he learned the lesson, "All I do is get to school and tell a few jokes and then get down to business."  And he has ever since.  His teacher this year was surprised when I mentioned his propensity to talk.  She just saw his conscientious desire to finish his work and get good grades.

The thing about Luke that makes me proudest, is that he is kind.  He feels compassion for those he sees being treated badly.  I think that he is turning into a man who will do the right thing even in the face of others doing wrong.  He knows the difference between right and wrong.  And he acts on it.  He will not be done wrong, and he won't let any treat someone else wrong.

As a child it is often disrespectful to talk to adults a certain way, but there are times I have watched him and he has been right.  And who am I to squelch his expression of what should be.

Happy Birthday Luke.

For Jake on his 13th Birthday

Today is Jake's 13th birthday.  A teenager.  8th grade.  This year he started shaving, got cool hair and has grown to almost my height. It's hard to believe that he has only one more year of middle school.  Everyone always tells you how fast it goes by, and it really does. 

Jake is my quiet child.  But his quiet is not an indication of passivity or weakness.  His quiet is an indication of a strength and resolve that he doesn't feel the need to advertise.  When he got to middle school, I asked about making friends.  He told me he was making friends, but that many kids were "inappropriate."  I laughed.  And discussion of his definition of "inappropriate" ensued.  He didn't want to discuss it because, "I would never say those things to you."

I was struck that he would feel respectful enough of me to refrain from this inappropriate talk.  I insisted on the talk, because I am the one he has to listen and make sure that he is okay.  I was struck that he was less interested in the coolness of crappy language and more in behaving respectfully.  He is growing into the kind of person I hope he will be (not to say that I am deluded enough to think we won't have our moments, but as he pointed out, Luke will probably be the troublesome one).

And Jake is funny.  When I make a mistake or trip over my own two feet, I often catch him out of the corner of my eye with a smirk. He gets the joke, he is developing a sarcastic sense of humor which I totally appreciate.  He also dishes my quirks right back.  I am such a grammar freak, that if I send him a text with an error, his response is now, "grammatical error, can not compute, grammatical error, can not compute."

At his age, I know many boys who do not want to be stuck with their brothers or mothers.  Jake is not one of those.  He has started to play guitar and trumpet and video games alone in his room some, but he wants to have his brothers around.  He is kind to everyone and gets a kick out of the youngest.  It is fun for me that sometimes when Joseph says something funny that he didn't mean to be, Jake will look over his head to catch my eye and laugh quietly.  We are in on it together now.  And any time I ever need him to stay home with them, he does not complain or argue. 

My goal is to raise boys who know how to take personal responsibility for their actions, know the difference between right and wrong, will stand up for someone who is wronged and will do the right thing when no one is looking.  He is on his way.

##

Personal Growth Assignments AKA Cut the Crap!

Two summers ago, the boys were driving me crazy with little behavior issues.  It wasn't anything big, just the simple (to me) little things.  They are all smart little suckers who make me my head tired from trying to keep one step ahead.  They are all very different from each other, so no one strategy works for all three of them.  After feeling like I was making the same individual corrections over and over to each one and seeing no sign of enlightenment, I decided to bring them in on my effort.  It was the end of the school year.  No more homework.  No more after school running.  Perfect time.  Time for some personal growth...to put it nicely. 

Jake was (and somewhat still is) going through a period of little to no initiative.  He isn't the kind of kid to see something that needs to be done and to do it without being told.  He is quick at school, so sees little value in homework.  He leaves clothes on the floor of the bathroom...daily.  So that summer, his job was to take initiative. 

Luke is a classic middle child.  The difference between him and really classic middle children is that while he may feel slighted for attention on the surface, his personality is so big that it demands attention.  He lacks nothing.  He does however, in his artistic and emotional personality, think that everything is a big deal and must have justice (code for really he is a bit of a tattler).  His job that summer was to learn to LET THINGS GO!!

Joseph, being the youngest, has the hardest time feeling heard.  There are many times I have all three talking at once and it's mental overload.  This includes Joseph, but he doesn't feel heard enough.  To correct this feeling of invisibility, he hit people.  He wasn't heard, he hit.  He wasn't acknowledged, he hit.  His feelings got hurt, he hit.  Guess what his job was?  Yep!  Stop hitting.

At the end of the summer, they had some improvement believe it or not.  And at the very least, they were more aware of these behaviors as they occurred.  Luke would start a litanyy of tattling and would interrupt himself to say, "I'm letting it go, I'm letting it go."

So here we are two summers later.  I guess last year they were pretty ok because I didn't assign anything.  Or maybe I just didn't think of it.  That's probably more like it.  I forgot.  This year...some problems the same, some new.  They have been on Spring Break this week, and all of the togetherness brought to light some things we need to work on. The other night at dinner they were just having a moment....yes, it must have been them (and not me).  I gave new assignments for this summer in a heated speech regarding each one's transgressions and the new  behavior I expected. 

I was telling my parents about the new jobs today at lunch.  I asked Jake as he ran by.

"What's your personal growth assignment this summer?"

"Not to be an obnoxious teenage weirdo," he said.

That pretty much sums it up.  He can not walk by without tapping you on the wrong shoulder and "making you look."  This is not really ever fun, but it is REALLY annoying when I am trying to check out at the grocery store, or I am talking to another adult.  He can not not touch people to annoy.  He can not stop using sarcasm that is usually pretty funny, but also walks dangerously close to the line of disrespect.  Having a sarcastic sense of humor myself, I sometimes let him get over that line...oops!  So he is going to learn where the lines of appropriate teenage weirdness fall. 

Luke had the same job as before.  He still has not learned to let things go, and with preteen hormonal crap going on inside his little self, his behavior is exaggerated.  So back to the drawing board for Luke!  No reporting every transgression, no telling me how to right the serious wrongs of his brothers.  No more sassy attitude. 

In telling my parents, I couldn't think of what Joseph's job.  As he wandered by, I said, "Joseph!"

No answer.

"Joseph, what was you job for the summer?"

No answer.  He didn't even turn around..

Louder, "JOSEPH!"

I turned around to my parents.  "I just remembered what his job is....to learn to listen"

Nuff said.

Jake Hurts My Head

These are the types of conversations I have with Jake on the way to school each day. Keep in mind that I am generally not fully awake. Jake: Did you know that Earth's curvature drops 16 feet every (I forgot how many because I was half-asleep) x kilometers. And a cannon shoots the cannon ball that drops after 16 feet. So if you could get a cannon to shoot at this rate, then the ball would follow the curvature of the Earth, and if there were no friction in the air, it would be like it was in orbit. And if you made a road go straight,it would be 16 feet off the Earth at this point and 32 at twice that until it was just off the Earth and in space.


I guess I am good at nodding and saying "uh-huh" because he keeps talking and talking and I am just thinking "seriously, this is what you think at 7:30 in the morning?"

And Jake, if you read this, this is what I love about you...so keep talking and I will keep nodding and smiling!

My Little Groucho

Joseph just had a birthday.  He turned eight.  Seven to eight is a big year.  Babies turn into kids.  First grade to second grade there are so many changes.  It is fun to watch the evolution into a more independent child.  It is also a little bit heartbreaking when it is the last one.  No more little ones. 

Joseph has never been shy, but in kindergarten he was pretty quiet.  He had always travelled as a unit with his brothers, and while he had gone to preschool, this was his first real taste of independence.  By first grade I learned that he was a conscientious and hard-working student.   He is generally gregarious and a jokester, but at school, he got down to business.   I always have them do homework right after school, and if we have to go somewhere first, he feels a lot of stress if we can't do homework before we go. 

This year Joseph has evolved into his own little person even more.  He gets his work done, and is very businesslike, but he has more friends and he always gets the joke.  He finds the humor in everyday things.  The other day he was quiet in the car, and then he said, "You know what?  My friend at soccer always talks with his chin cocked to the side, but aiming straight ahead.  It's funny."  I know the boy, and he does!  My little observationist.

My kids are allowed to have a birthday party only every other year.  It gets too expensive and too exhausting to have three parties every year.  So this year was a party year.  The best gift he got was from my mother...an ipod touch.  I debated whether at 8 this was a good idea.  It was a good idea.  He has played more with that thing than I could have imagined.  He has downloaded the Beatles and Cake.  He takes pictures constantly.  He loves it.

He also has 14 games of Words with Friends (like Scrabble) going.    The other night when he went to bed, I got a notification on my iphone that it was my turn to play.  Did he not get it that I would know he was playing in bed?  It has been a great learning tool for spelling and for seeing words in relation to other words. 
He is obsessed, but he comes by it naturally.  I have almost as many games going myself.  Alas, I just got a notification...I must go play a word!

A Man With a Plan

I was never one of those kids who had a life plan from an early age. I wanted to be a ballerina, a teacher, a horse trainer. I am none of those things. So I am totally fascinated by my middle child who has a very specific goal and a very specific plan.

Luke is going to be a Broadway Star. His first year at the Pensacola Children's Chorus planted the seed. He got to be Santa at the Christmas show, and that was all he needed. I knew he wasn't shy. The kid has never kept a thought to himself with me or a stranger. But I had no idea he would love performing. After that first show, I realized that he performs his life. I kind of knew that, but now I really see it (and at times it can be a bit annoying).

Sometime last year, Luke came to me and said the following. Keep in mind that Luke takes no breaths and talks really, really fast:

So, Mama, how long do you have to go to college to be on Broadway? (I say probably 4 years would be okay.) Okay, so I will go to college for 4 years, then I am going to get on Broadway, then I am going to win a Tony because I Googled it and they are really cool, and then I am going to win a Nobel Prize.

I asked what the Nobel Prize was going to be for and he was undecided. Good to leave your options open, I think.

Luke is also very athletic and stocky. He is good at soccer and was planning to play this year again. As I was questioning the boys about their activities for the year, Luke made an announcement:

I think I need to take a dance class instead of soccer. I think it would help further my Broadway career.

Well, okay then. He originally thought he would start with jazz, I think because he has used "jazz hands" in Chorus. I told him that most dance schools start you with ballet to get a good foundation, but that I would call the dance school. The dance school said ballet, and Luke said, "I'm fine with that."

An aside, Joseph upon hearing about the ballet thing commented to Luke out of the side of his mouth, "I bet you'll get to meet lots of hot girls!" Luke, to his credit, said, "I am not in it for the girls, I am in it for the dance."

So after teaching dance for 20 years, there I was sewing elastic on ballet shoes for my son. I never thought I would get to take a kid to dance class. He slept with his ballet shoes on the foot of his bed the night before his first class. And he loves it. He walked into that class, the only boy, and never had a second thought. The next thing I knew, he had auditioned for the Nutcracker.

I truly get a kick out of watching Luke perform his way through his life. I love that he is confident enough to do what he wants without a second thought. And he just may become a Broadway Star...

Jake and Papa

We went to dinner one night for my brother's birthday. It was my brother Joe, my brother Jim and his family, my parents and me and the boys. Jake sat next to my dad. Jake said to him, "I think a pure democracy is better than a representative democracy." Dad asked why and he went on to say that then everyone would have a say...the majority would actually rule. Dad asked how he would do that...would he put a computer in every home so they could vote on every issue?

Jake said, I don't know, but it would be better for everyone to have a say. Dad asked him: Well, don't you think that the minorities should be protected? Jake: What do you mean? Dad: Well, what if everyone voted that you couldn't have free speech or that everyone had to be a Catholic or a Jew or a Christian? Don't you think we should have our Constitutional protections?

Jake: You really are a lawyer, aren't you? That was very persuasive.

The Boys

This blog is devoted to my boys. I have three of them. Jake just turned 12. Luke will be 10 on Saturday. Joseph is 7, 8 in October. They are the funniest kids. All kids are funny, and all kids are every parent's joy. I am writing this because I want to have a way to record our life together. I am raising them by myself, and we are very close, closer I think because of that. We lived with my parents for a while after I got divorced. When we moved back out, I gave the whole "we are a team" speech, and they have really taken that speech to heart. I told them that I couldn't do everything myself and that they were responsible for helping maintain the house and get things done. They really contribute, each in their own little ways, and if there can be a blessing in a lost marriage, it is that we are our own little unit.

They are all so different that it makes for a fun family dynamic.

Jake is the quiet and reserved one. But his brain is never silent. The child is always thinking and comes out with the most off the wall observations and questions. He is an internalizer (from me) and is more sensitive than he appears. He has definite opinions and feels things deeply.

Luke has never met a stranger. He is gregarious and lives his life as though it is a performance. While he is always ready with a joke, he is very conscientious and gets things done. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and expresses himself at will.

Joseph is my little one. He is brave and capable. He has had epilepsy since he was 2, but has been so lucky that it is well-controlled and does not affect his life. He is sly and funny and can do everything his brothers do. I learned this year that he was very interested in doing the right things and doing well in school. He didn't even want to be sick on Fridays, because it was test day.

The title of this blog comes from the period when they were probably 1, 3, and 5 and were obsessed with talking about death. Each one seems to have gotten stuck on the topic for about a year around age 4 and so we talked about death and dying for a good 3 or 4 years. They were discussing the topic of heaven and dying.

Jake said, "It will be okay if you die, Luke because you will be in a better place. "

Luke agreed, "Yeah, if you die, Jake, it will be okay because Heaven is Better than Florida."

Around this same time, my grandmother was in a facility for Alzheimer's and dementia patients. My mother had the residents out every year to her house for lunch. The boys had become friends with a man named Mr. Aldo. He was one of the few men in my grandmother's cottage, and he loved singing old Italian songs to the boys. We visited at least a couple of times each week, and we knew all of the residents well. We realized a one point that Mr. Aldo had cancer that wasn't being treated due to his age. His health quickly declined. His pain became apparent. That Halloween, I took the boys to visit dressed in their Halloween costumes. Mr. Aldo was bed-ridden and his breathing was labored. I knew that would be the boys last visit to see him. They were young and I didn't want them to be afraid.

When it came time for the lunch at my mother's house, Mr. Also had died. I hadn't told the boys, because there were a lot of people there and it was fairly chaotic. I hoped they wouldn't notice his absence. As they residents were loading back up on the bus, Jake asked where Mr. Aldo was.

My heart sank. I sat down and told him that Mr. Aldo had died. He had gone to heaven to live with God and he was not in pain anymore, he would always be happy, and young and healthy. I waited for Jake's reaction. He sat for a minute, and he said, "Yea for Mr. Aldo." If only we could all feel that way.

By the way, a few weeks later the dog died. I tried the same speech I gave about Mr. Aldo. It did not work at all...oh well...